Being Brave

Sometimes there are hard choices to make in adoption. There are no guarantees. Until you have your child home, you will have no idea if their condition is much better or much worse than their file states. That's the reality of adoption, particularly adoption in Eastern Europe.

If you've been following our story, you have probably noticed how fond I am of the child I have called V, now listed as Lee. He was next to Evan and we spent a lot of time with him. He has been transferred with other bedridden kids and I'm quite worried about him. You may or may not have guessed that we were hoping to add him to our adoption as well.

We received information about Lee's medical diagnoses recently. Among things we expected, his file also includes a very scary, fatal, degenerative brain condition. Wow. From seeing him during our last adoption, we had assumed he had cerebral palsy like our other boys. He very well might. But his file states that he is bedridden due to this other condition, a condition that almost no one survives more than 10 years past diagnosis. That's 10 years with good medical care, a luxury rarely afforded to orphans in Eastern Europe.

I am so thankful for my husband and that we are in agreement on so much. We sat down and talked about Lee. We don't think the listed diagnosis is correct. But we need to be prepared for the possibility that it is correct or at least close to the truth. So where does that leave us? If he did have a diagnosis that would only give him a few years left to live, what would we do?

I knew where I stood. The idea that his condition could be degenerative and fatal is a shocking contrast to the hope I had of him improving greatly with food and love and therapy. It is scary, but HE is not scary. We know him and we love him. I certainly couldn't imagine letting him die alone, possibly even sooner due to neglect. I knew my own heart and mind, but this is not the kind of decision I could make on my own.

My husband, my amazing and incredible husband, the most loving husband and father I could envision, he was right there with me. He said that it would break his own heart, but it would be worth it for Lee to have a family instead of spending his remaining time trapped in that bed and that room.

That is what we decided. We researched what Lee will need if that diagnosis is correct and then added that diagnosis to our home study. I am praying with all of my heart that it is a mistake. The odds are good that a doctor who barely examined him jotted down an inaccurate term, or used the wrong code, or didn't even care. We will do our best and we will do the most that we can for him. Regardless of medical condition, no child should live or die in one of those terrible rooms, least of all a child we want to call our son.

Now that our homestudy is just about finished and we know how many children we are approved for, we are ready and eager to add Lee to our adoption. He will be a much-loved son, whatever his fate may be.

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